$#*! My Mum Says

We all know parents say the craziest things. Case and point Justin Halpern. I remember once, when I was six my mum sat me down on her lap and thought she could teach me about sex through graphic images in an anatomy book (well graphic enough for any six year old). She couldn't understand why I had to be so overly dramatic as I proceeded to run and stumble into my room clearly traumatized. A few friends of mine just like Brittany from Glee with the sincerity  and anticipation of a little kid waiting for a slightly obese/diabetic  santa clause to shoot his ass down your overpriced  chimney truely believed that storks would deliver their babies. School attempted to teach us about sex education through videos about HIV and Pedophilia (videos always seemed to depict individuals of latin american decent )- I'm still not sure about the connection but I'm pretty sure the videos were quite racist and that  sex + piñata +candy = bad.  But I'm still waiting for Fox News to get back to me on that.

Parents and schools often struggle with the concept of sex education. A lot of schools worldwide do not  provide enough  support , information and general resouces on sex education. In the UK incidences of unprotected sex, sexually transmitted diseases and teen pregnancy are staggering high(http://www.bbc.co.uk/) with girls as young as 9-10 years old (Europe) getting pregnant.

Nowadays it's become quite common to hear about teen pregancies. The common misconception that many schools and parents have is that sex education leads to sex . While schools stubbornly refuse to talk about sex, television programs such as Boston Public, Dawson's Creek, 90210, Gossip Girl, Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant have been accused of glamorizing teen pregnancy. Bill Albert , the chief program officer of the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy (MSNBC) highlights the need for governments to invest in sex ed programs and the need to encourage parents to broach the subject with children (MSNBC). Clearly multiple interventions need to be implemented in order to curb incidences of teen pregancy.  Interventions such as a) education b) skills and self esteem approaches, c) peer education (where peers can be used as facilitators) d) parental participation and e) clinical/social services, employment and training (Baker, 2007 Teen Pregnancy. ) Interventions not only need to be targeted at schools but at homes and community centres as well (Baker, 2007). A study by Baker (2007) highlighted the effectiveness of  these interventions in terms of improving knowledge, preventing risky behavior and reducing the rate of teen pregnancy. A number of studies and interventions such  as those  set up by Aral, Douglas & Handsfield ( 2008) support  Baker's research.


However, before any of this can be achieved we need to change  the stigma attached to sex education and our attitudes towards pregnant teens. Moreover, we need to establish a sense of empathy and mutual respect. Only then can one truely move forward.


"I guess it's hard for people who are so used to things the way they are - even if they're bad to change. 'Cause they kind of give up. And when they do, everybody kind of loses. " - Pay It Forward (2000).

Kids Say The Craziest Things

A certain individual recounted to me the other day how her preschooler cussed during a family gathering (smart guy!), I even remember my own niece at the age of three (?) stringing words together such as "goodness gracious me" while striking a pose (though she may go to great lengths to deny it.). While working I even saw a child desperately eating fruit in the hopes of turning  into a motorbike (obviously it wasnt meant to be but his determination nevertheless was admirable). It's clear that children say  and do the wackiest things. Here's a list of  crazy things children say. What's your favourite?


1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. 'How do you know that the cat was dead?' she asked her pupil. 'Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move,'answered the child innocently. 'You did WHAT???' the teacher exclaimed in surprise. 'You know,' explained the boy, 'I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move.'

2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minuteslater..... 'Daad....' 'What?' 'I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?' 'No, You had your chance. Lights out.' Five minutes later; 'Da-aaaad.....' 'WHAT?' 'I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??' I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!' Five minutes later......'Daaaa-aaaad.....' 'WHAT!' 'When you come in to spank me,can you bring a drink of water?'

3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him 'How do you expect to get into Heaven?' The boy thought it over and said, 'Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!''

4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, 'Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?' The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. 'I can't dear,' she said. 'I have to sleep in Daddy's room.' A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice; 'The big sissy.'

5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, 'That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?' The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, 'Yes, and my Mom says it's a b-tch to iron.'

6. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, '..... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, 'The sky is falling, the sky is falling!' The teacher paused then asked the class, 'And what do you think that farmer said?' One little girl raised her hand and said, 'I think he said; 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'' The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
 (http://www.kountrylife.com/content/hum143.htm)

Angry Birds Decoded

I am writing this post after having played Angry Birds on my phone (or at least attempting to). Having failed level 2 for tenth consecutive time (I blame the Angry Birds Franchise) I felt defeated. I attempted to reassure myself with positive thoughts. I practiced deep breathing exercises. I used "I" statements while talking to my phone. I was even willing to take part in conflict resolution exercises. With it's blinking screen with the words failed pasted across it I couldnt help but feel that my iphone was lying there mocking me. Clearly not as invested in this process as I was I became increasingly angry. I  tried to regulate my anger, identify where I felt it in my body, practiced more deep breathing exercises, counted backwards from twenty, hit a pillow, drew pictures, listened to kenny j etc.... Though some of it did help I still felt at a loss..I desperately  tried to resist the urge of throwing my phone across my room.

The issue of anger management is of huge concern in schools and is an issue that all of us struggle with. Anger is a normal and healthy emotion. Anger can help clarify relationships, lead to self discovery,  give a sense of control and act as a motivator for change. So when is anger bad?  When anger gets out of control it  can be destructive and lead to problems in school work and in relationships.

The first step in anger management is realizing that it's ok to feel angry. The second step is to identify physical (increased heart rate, tightness in chest, feeling flushed), emotional (clenched fist, slamming door, pacing, raised voice) and cognitive cues (thoughts that occur in response to anger provoking events) that lead to anger. The third step is identifying the source behind your anger. Is it shame, embarrassment,  sadness, fear, frustration, feeling hurt, worry, anxiety, dissappointment?

Once you've been able to identify the source of your anger its worth noting that people act to anger in different ways. Some might act immediately while others may suppress their feelings. The natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively (yelling, hitting). However, this is not usually appropriate due to social norms and common sense. So in order to avoid inappropriate behaviors, cussing or in my case throwing my self righteous phone  across my room while cussing in four different languages ( as I love to multitask)  it is extremely important to practice certain preventive techniques (Distancing, Self talk, Tuning in, Self Control, Humor, Self Care). Distancing techniques involve going for walks and refusing to get drawn into discussions that can trigger anger. In regards to self talk - say to yourself "worse things can happen", as angry thoughts creep in shout "STOP! STOP! STOP!, tell yourself that your anger will pass and that people often say things they dont mean when they're angry. Tune in  to your feelings. Practice self control : Stop-Think-Act, practice deep breathing, count  backwards from 20, take a break from the situation.  It is worth noting that you are more likely to get angry when you're hungry, anxious, lonely and tired. Another preventive technique involves humor. Silly humor, laughing at oneself/situation, reading comics or watching comedies can help defuse anger. Finally, take care of yourself - make  time everyday to reflect on issues that are bothering you, eat a balanced diet, exercise regularly, have a good night's rest and most importantly make personal time for yourself. Practicing these preventive techniques will enable you to feel better about yourself and help repair relationships.



Now excuse me while I try to repair my relationship with my phone. It may take a while. You might want to  put your feet up and tune into Dr.Drew's Celebrity Rehab or  Dr.Phil to keep you amused for the next couple hours. On second thoughts.....

Indian Parents

politics of preschool

Happy Father's Day Dad!

"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope, which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities"  - Dr. Seuss 

Last night I went to see Fete de la Musique with some friends in town. We ambled our way through the rain towards a small garden. We waited patiently as one of the players (who had an uncanny resemblence to Santa Claus) struggled to fix the sound equipement. Moments later the band began to play. No one more excited than two young girls between the ages of 5 and 8 years old plieeing , arabesqueing and twirling across the stage. Pretty soon the band was forgotten. It was as though the girls had choreographed their dance to the music. It was amazingly theatrical. Not to be left out a 2 year old wandered on stage to do her jig. When as adults did we become so self conscious? It reminded me of a Dr. Seuss quote "adults are just obsolete children and the hell with them." Are we really so obsolete? When was the last time you danced like a child without a care in the world without looking  constipated? When was the last time you sang out loud just for the heck of it? So for father's day I want you to drop everything. Nurture your inner child. Dance wildly across your room. Dust off your old MC Hammer Cds or cheesy 80's music and sing out of tune. You can reward yourself later with a nap and a shitload of MnMs. Though not simultaneously  to avoid any health hazards. Happy Father's Day!

Words of Wisdom From a Three Year Old.

1.  

3 year old: i have an apple today!
Me: to make you strong?
3 year old: no so i can become a motorcycle.

Words of wisdom my friends. Words of wisdom

Slumdog Millionaire Part Deux?

While daydreaming in a car in some distant land, a beggar began tapping on my window. At one point I thought he was trying to sell me his baby. He kept saying "baby will eat. buy  it. buy it." I remained speechless not sure how to react. I was half expecting a reenactment of slumdog millionaire part deux. Shocked, I kept squinting for cameras and a dancing crew. Turns out all he was selling were flags. The moral of the story - never wake me up from naps.

Life in a Digital World

Yesterday during a 2 1/2 hours walk around the fields of what was supposed to be a 1 hr walk and through overly dramatic gasps for air, a friend and I began discussing the influence of social media in today's society. We came to some conclusions about a) our pitiful sense of direction b)our lack of physical endurance and c) the prominent role social media plays in shaping and guiding children's behavior and value system.



A few years ago while working with some children I recieved some dramatic sighs and huge looks of disapproval over my Nokia phone. One first grader even remarked having the same cell phone. Gone, are the days where one used scraps of paper to write messages to friends . Today's kids are busy SMSing and sending cryptic messages that one can only assume are written in English ( @TEOTD, A3, BBT, BG, BOT). When they're not busy smsing, they're preoccupied with their Wiis and PSP (in order to avoid scolding from a six year old NOT to be called a PS3). The mere mention of old school games such as nintendo 64s is as blasphemous as carrying last season's Gucci bag.


Thanks to the internet there are dozen of sites arguing the appropriate age at which children should be given their first cell phone. An article in the NY times reads that about 75 % of teenagers have cell phones. I beg to differ, I believe the age range to be much younger and the rate of cell phone use to be much higher (thanks to today's media/social pressure). Some articles indicate that children as young as 6 and 8 are using cellphones It's no wonder parents feel trapped. It's easy to cave in to social pressure. Not only are parents highly encouraged to purchase the latest phone or gadget but they are also strongly advised to install the latest GPS sytems. Parents are now becoming technologically savy undercover agents ( the words  " Inspector Gadget" come to mind). Gone are the lines of honest communication.


When children are not busy texting or playing with their latest toys they're plonked in front of the television aka the Virtual Babysitter. According to studies in the US children between the ages of 8-18 in the US spend an average of three to fours a day watching television .



Last weekend I went over to a friend's house for a lovely bqq. I was pleasantly surprised to find her preschool aged child running about in the garden, demanding tractor rides, playing on swings, drawing on glass windows (with special markers of course), showing off on slides and picking flowers for mum. Stunned I asked my friend if her child had any interest in watching TV. She just smiled and shook her head. Here, was a child who preferred running around in the garden and dancing than being plonked in front of the TV watching reruns of the teletubbies and Ben 10. How terribly refreshing.

Stay tuned for more blogs regarding children and adolescents